New Life. Welcome Back

Assalamualaikum.

It feels like years since the last time I wrote on this blog. Actually only a month I didn't write in this blog. I've been very busy with my school chores, exam, study, study, study, hostel, hostel, hostel. Yeah! I'm nearly sick of it. I'm feelinf forced but I have no strength to make it up or turn back the time. Baru je habis kelas intensif semalam. 3 minggu lebih tak balik rumah rindunya kat rumah dan segala isinya. 3 minggu kat sekolah macam-macam benda jadi.

I wish I have a superpower, I want to own  a time controller so I could make everything up as I wish.

Life is a choice. If you once made a choice, then you would live with that choice. So, I can't regret with my choice. If I regret, it's mean I give up. I want to tell them I'm tough. Aku bukan sorang manusia yg bila dimarah makin rasa semangat. tak, aku sorang manusia yg perlu bimbingan sokongan untuk aku rasa bersemangat. Bila aku dimarah. dituduh buat benda-benda yang aku sendiri tak pernah terfikir nak buat pun, aku rasa down giler. Bukan nak bagi semangat tapi marah-marah. Macam tu ke nak suruh aku berjaya. Ea fikirla. Dahla aku tengah dalam jalan yang banyak masalah perlu dihadapi. Lepastu dengan kau yang macam tu. Kau tak pena faham aku. Sejak kau datang. Rasa makin teruk. Sebab kau pun teruk. Kau sepatutnya tunjuk yang baik kat aku. Kalau nak ikut cakap kau, kau pun kena lah tunjuk yang baik. Bukan dengan cara memaksa. Rasullulah pun tak pena paksa dalam dakwahnya. Kalau bercakap macam iman penuh di dada, tapi benda kecil macam tu pun kau tak pena pasan. Pikir cari salah orang je! Aku tau la kau benci. Tapi takkan benda yang baik pada aku pun sampai dah tak perasan? Kau cakap aku banyak buat masalah. Memenatkan kau lah kan, Kalau macam tu tak payah kesahkan aku lepas ni. Senangkan? Aku taknak la sampai membenci kau. Takpelah aku mengalah disebabkan ego kau yang tinggi tu. Sentiasa fikir kau lebih bak daripada aku. Aku dah mintak maaf terpulang la kat kau. Kau lagi matang, kau fikir la sendiri. Ya Allah tabahkan la hati aku. Dengan pelbagai dugaan ni untuk aku terus mencapai cita-cita aku. Aminn 

✔ Innalillahiwainnailairojiu'n ▬ ► Aku diuji lagi YA ALLAH,
✔ Subhanallah ▬ ► UJIAN apa yang KAU berikan ini,
✔ MasyaALLAH ▬ ► mengapa aku mempersoalkan TAKDIRMU lagi,
✔ Astaghfirullahaa'zim ▬ ► Maafkan aku Ya Allah aku pertikaikan KEKUASAANMU,
✔ Allahhuakhbar ▬ ► kuatkan HATI nuraniku hadapi semua ini dalam menggapai REDHAMU,
✔ Alhamdulillah ▬ ► ku tahu selepas ini ada HIKMAH kebahagiaan PEMBERIANMU

Hi Mid Year Exam!

Assalamualaikum. HI mid year + exam... Dah lama tak update kan? aku sangat takut sekarang ni. sebab. satu apa pun aku tak study lagiiii... ape pon tak boleh.. Aku macam rasa dah penat dah belajar tapi satu apa pun aku tak tau.. Again printer rosak lagi. pheww.. sabar jela.. Haaihaii. Nasib baik ada yg menggembirakan hati aku sekurang2nya.. Thankss yahh!. Doakan aku weyh. Jangan lupa okay? Ayat macam sedih jek. kenapa takde mood nak study ni?. woiii... cepatla datang mood study aku woiiii...

Uhibbuka jidda. Itulah baris ayat yang aku sent kat dia. Aku tak tau la dia faham ke tak. Kalau dia cuba nak cari maksud tu. maknanya dia still sayang aku. Tapi kalau dia mcm tak kesah. Hmm pham2 jelah. Sebaliknyaa kann

" I chose to love you in silence because in silence, I find no rejection.
I chose to love you in loneliness for in loneliness, no one owns you but me.
I chose to adore you from a distance for distance will shield me from pain.
I chose to kiss you in the wind for the wind is gentler than my lips.
I chose to hold you in my dreams for in my dreams.. you have no end "

Dear, I'm No Longer Happy :(

People always leave.

Dear, Im no longer happy. No longer see to love any guy in this world anymore besides special persons in my life. No longer see to make a relationship with someone. It's hurt. Now I realized I lost my heart to someone who doesn't care and lastly I found it is crying. I fell in love with the wrong person I think. I'm going to smile and make others think i'm happy. When first time know you, It's amazing how a person who was once just a stranger, can suddenly mean the world to me. but it's almost a few years since I last saw you. bout a few years since you disclose by saying that you are no longer in love with me.

No matter how hard I try to get over you, I will still have some sort of feeling for you, remembering the ways things used to be, and how you are now. And I sometimes hope that the new person in their life was still you, and everything was how it used be, erasing all the bad things that happened. Time is supposed to make things better, but in love it doesn't. Although we have been apart for a while, and now have diferent loves in our life, I stil can't help wondering how your life is, and when I catch you glancing at me, I can't help but wonder if your heart beats a little faster, as mine does when I see you. I can't stop thinking about you and your new girlfriend who I'm so jealous of, and it hurts so bad. Every time I see both of you talk on Facebook or whatever I die a little more inside. I want to text you, or talk to you, or see you once again.

What i can say is that no other guy has ever made me feel the way you did. I felt so complete when we were with each other. It was so amazing. I just wish you would come back to me. I literally do need the guy. I care about you so much! I know exactly what you're goin through.. Ya Allah, why do I miss him so much today. Why can't I push him out of my mind like usually I did. Oh my dear Allah, I felt so sinful today. I felt so sinful because I let myself to think and  miss a man that is not my fated husband.

I know I had always been asking things form You Ya Allah but to whom else can I ask when You are the only Giver and the only Keeper.. To You only that I can ask for and to You only Ya Allah I lies my faith on... Erase him from my heart Ya Allah if he is not for me so that I won't miss him and won't continue on wanting him.. But if he is the one fated for me Ya Allah, give him guidance Ya Allah to see it back and lay for him the path to comes back to me.. I will love him following the path that you leads in the name of Islam and never to let myself love him like before and forgets my love for you Ya Allah. I am scared of seeing the bad changes in him now Ya Allah.. Help him find the real him back Ya Allah.. The awesome magnificent him that I fall for before. The him that I once see as the perfect husband and father material..

Sincerely, servant of Allah